We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.
— 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
In November of 2016 I decided to finally get genetic testing. It took months to get in. I was planning on becoming pregnant, but wanted to make sure that I was healthy first. I decided to have genetic testing done, my breasts checked, my ovaries looked at, etc. before I had my next child. Knowing my family history, these tests all frightened me. Could the results of these tests impact my decision to have another child?
The new year came with the heartbreaking news that my sister had breast cancer (She has since beat it!)
It took months to get in for these appointments. In April of 2017 I had a breast biopsy: benign! Then in May I received the dreaded news: A BRCA1 gene mutation was found. My life turned upside down. My initial thought was to get everything out as soon as possible. I didn’t want cancer if I could avoid it.
My husband really wanted another child, but would support me in whatever decision I made. If I listened to my heart I did too… and I didn’t know how much longer I had to try. I thought about adoption, but Ron really wasn’t on board with that…the wait time, the cost, the hoops. He wanted us to try for our own first.
I made an appointment at the high risk clinic. That summer I had another 4 biopsies of my breast (2 core needle and 2 MRI guided. These were not done on the same day.) The wait between my appointments and finding out was brutal. Every time was a challenge for my husband and me to stay positive, to keep fears in check, and to keep my face dry.
Then came August. I had the long awaited appointment with the gynecological oncologist. I already knew I had a cyst that previously caused a lot of worry, but that my gynecologist wasn’t concerned about. I had an uncomfortable ultrasound to view my ovaries and, after seeing the cyst in my right ovary, an MRI.
That Friday, before I even got my results from the MRI, I received a phone call from the fertility clinic. They had scheduled us for an appointment on Monday. We knew nothing about it, and asked what the appointment was for. They said that the oncologist had referred me, and we could talk on Monday about our options. We hadn’t heard the results of the MRI, but this certainly didn’t sound good. I was sure I needed to have my ovaries removed and we wouldn’t have a chance to try on our own. I was really worried that I had cancer. We tried getting information from our oncologist, but her office would only say that we could talk at our appointment the next Wednesday. At this point we were angry and scared. We took Zoey to the zoo on Saturday and walked around in a haze. It was a horrible wait… and super frustrating.
The reproductive endocrinologist eased my fears saying that the MRI showed that I had stage 4 endometriosis, not cancer… Phew! He recommended surgery followed by in-vitro fertilization. We asked, “Can’t we try first?” We could after surgery.
The oncologist later informed me there was still a small chance that it was cancer and the only way of knowing was to have surgery to remove the mass. I had to wait another 2 months for surgery. I scheduled my surgery with my regular gynecologist, who I was most comfortable with. She removed the large cyst, my right Fallopian tube (which was partially blocked due to endometriosis), my appendix, as well as many adhesions. It was all cancer free.
After a bit of a wait, I could finally start trying to conceive.
I tried for 7-8 months with no success. Then on my first month back at the fertility clinic I took some hormonal meds and got pregnant. We were excited for a minute, then it became clear with several ultrasounds, blood checks, etc. that something wasn’t right. The little baby just didn’t happen. It never grew. It took 10 weeks for me to miscarry. On September 11th, 2018 I finally did. It was a painful experience, involving mini labor pains in the bathroom.
After my miscarriage I had a tomosynthesis mammogram of the left breast because I had felt some changes and it came back normal, no new areas of concern. (I had been concerned over an area unrelated to where my cancer is now).
A little over a month after my miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again. (October 2018) No meds were initially taken, only after finding out I was pregnant did I take some helper hormones for a month. It surprised and delighted me: My little miracle! He was due on my mom’s birthday, but was born 7 days earlier on July 1, 2019 due to a planned c-section. He was and is perfect. I have cancer, but I also have an amazing light in my life… my little boy. I have 2 beautiful little people who uplift me daily… and a supportive husband who continues to give me strength through his love.