At the follow-up appointment, after my surgery, the breast surgeon stated that she wasn’t sure whether or not I would need radiation. The issue was the swollen lymph node felt after my cancer diagnosis, and the subsequent unsuccessful biopsy (hello hot mess) of that lymph node. All that meant there was no way to know whether the lymph node contained cancer prior to the start of chemotherapy treatment. Doctors often decide the treatment path a cancer patient takes based on the initial cancer found prior to starting treatment. What I remembered from that scary period of time was that the doctor found the swollen lymph node right after my initial biopsy and that I was trying to rapidly stop breastfeeding, so I had very swollen breasts. So… My case = not simple. She said she would take the problem to the tumor board to get the opinion of other doctors. The tumor board includes oncologists, radiologists, and surgeons who decide on the best treatment route for a patient.
I received a phone call a week later. My doctor said that the tumor board decided it was unclear whether or not I should do radiation, and wanted me to meet with a radiation oncologist. Fabulous. Hearing those words made me want to cry. I did not want to do radiation. I did, however, want to make the best decision for my family and for my health. Obviously I don’t want cancer to return, but I also don’t want to take additional risks for my health if I don’t need to.
Later, we met with a radiation oncologist who said that there were three paths a patient like me could typically take. Basically, you can choose your own adventure. Remember those books? I loved them as a kid. After stating the three paths (Radiation, No Radiation, or a clinical trial/study involving radiation), he said that I was a “special case”. Yep, you heard that right, I am not typical nor have I ever been. Ha! He said that my case didn’t fit the criteria for the clinical trial, and there was research suggesting that even if the lymph node that the doctor found was a problem, my complete pathological response meant that I was better off not doing radiation anyway. So he said that if it were him, he wouldn’t do radiation. Do do do doooo! Charge! That is what I wanted to hear. I did have an aggressive form of cancer and it is one that if there are cancer cells, grows fast. There is always the chance that there could be some straggler cells hanging out, but I had a complete pathological response so I really just want to hope, pray, and believe that my cancer is completely gone. I have decided against doing radiation.
Where we are now:
- Chemotherapy and double mastectomy completed
- About to start physical therapy
- Still frequently going to the doctors
I have three doctors appointments next week. If I would have chosen to do radiation I would have to go every day for five weeks to receive treatment. I have an appointment trying to determine who should do my total hysterectomy, my regular ob/gyn or the gynecologic oncology surgeon whose office I have been going to every 6 months for a few years to make sure that I have no ovarian cancer. Have I said that I am ready for big decisions to be done? I totally am.
These last several weeks I have spent with my family doing what I love, focusing on my children and trying my hardest not to think too hard about the past or the future. I am trying to live in the present. I am, like I tell Zoey when she has a special treat, trying to savor the moment. We are going slow, taking it easy, and enjoying what we have. We have a lot. We have each other and that is enough.
