Jeremiah 29:11 popped into my head this morning:
“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
It has been a rough week. Ever since Covid 19 started being in the news, while there were only a few cases in the United States, I have been worried about catching Covid. Last Thursday I woke up tired and with a headache… I wanted to stay in bed. While on chemotherapy that sometimes happens, but it didn’t happen to that extent on Taxol yet to me. I was only on my second treatment. AC, the treatment I finished, caused me to stay in bed a couple days after. Thursday afternoon, the fever arrived. What was going on? Great. Was this related to the Taxol?
The fever had me calling in. They said I could take 2 extra strength Tylenol every 6 hours. They said Taxol doesn’t do this. Now I was a little scared. The only place I have been for months has been the cancer center… not a park… not a store… not to pick up take out. All of our food is being delivered and wiped down outside prior to being brought in. I have worn a mask to the cancer center before it was required and bring a bottle of hand sanitizer I use frequently… I don’t touch elevator buttons, but use a napkin which I immediately throw away… How can this be happening? No one has left my house in months… except for Ron driving me to appointments. He works from home. So to find myself over a week later still with a fever is concerning. My doctor and my family don’t think I have Covid… but it is possible that I do. In any case, can it please go away?
I missed chemotherapy this week. If I’m not healthy then I am thankful not to do it… but now I have two obstacles to overcome. It’s not easy. The verse Jeremiah 29:11 has been very helpful today. Reminding me that God does have plans for me. It is very hard to be patient with so much fear. My husband is tired. I am tired… Tired of these hurdles. I am grateful to my sister who has remained strong and encouraging. I can do this, but it is unreal. How do I stay positive when I am so scared? I want to live. My doctor said I am doing well… but how long is this going to go on? I wake up 2-3 times a night completely drenched. I want answers. I want to be in control of my body… I am not.
“‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
— Jeremiah 29:11
“but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.”
— Isaiah 40:31
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still.”
— Exodus 14:14